Official reports claimed she was last seen stomping across the overgrown hedgerows of Scattergood Hall, muttering something about “final research” and “that ruddy laughing shrub.” Eyewitnesses (mostly tipsy locals and one suspiciously literate badger) described flickering green lights, an unnatural fog that smelled faintly of onions, and the unmistakable sound of distant kazoo music, followed by a thunderclap and the scent of burnt tweed.
Her last known note, found stuck to a small unconscious stoat with a piece of sticky tape, read:
“Well, that went quick. Time to wake the old girl up!”
She was never seen again.
Theories Abound
Some say she wandered into the forest and never returned.
Some say she found the Hidden Gate and crossed into the faerie realm, possibly to deliver a stern lecture.
Some say she was turned into a mushroom and now lives quite contentedly on the west lawn, offering unsolicited life advice to passing snails.
One theory (put forth by the Society for the Preservation of Improbable Creatures) insists she merged with time itself during a badly miscast ritual and now exists slightly to the left of reality, only visible when you squint while sneezing.
Legacy, Such As It Is
In 1974, a tea-stained, tooth-marked manuscript bearing Millicent’s name was discovered in the boot of a mossy Ford Cortina parked behind a chip shop in Droitwich-under-Haven. The car was locked. The keys were inside a taxidermy squirrel. The squirrel was wearing trousers.
That manuscript, part field guide, part memoir, part warning label, forms the basis of this digital archive, painstakingly reconstructed by scholars, amateur folklorists, and one bloke with a typewriter named Barry.
They say the ruins of Scattergood Hall still echo with her laughter.
They say if you listen closely, you’ll hear muttering, shuffling, and the occasional punch delivered to a naughty pixie’s jaw.
They say Millicent Scattergood found something.
Something that should never have been found.
And then, because she was Millicent Scattergood… she poked it with a stick.
Faerie Guide 